Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic zebra.

Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen, he will turn you into a rat.

Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Nurtcunquim Rowbabvog Stipcibkoplen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near cats while wearing mauve rings and balancing seven copper spheres on your chest.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never feed wheat to dolphins while wearing fawn scarves.

5. Do not dye your hair green.