Yarpsakteen is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, merciful hedgehog.

Yarpsakteen created Asia four years ago.

If you believe in Yarpsakteen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpsakteen, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Yarpsakteen's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Yarpsakteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never hurt goats.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.