Tonkfitten is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, fussy newt.

Tonkfitten created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tonkfitten, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tonkfitten, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Tonkfitten's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Tonkfitten's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkfitten.

3. Feed all hungry gulls.

4. Put Tonkfitten first in all things.

5. Run away from mauve tortoises, for they are unholy.