Hotzedrap is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, self-assured pigeon.

Hotzedrap created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hotzedrap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hotzedrap, it will torture you forever.

Hotzedrap's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hotzedrap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never hop in the presence of sharks.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always look after injured dolphins.