Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, idiotic tapir.

Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat, she will cry a lot.

Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Tengumhogtik Biftadlagvensogtamqueegfat in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not make images of living things.