Quartnillbell is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, quiet shark.

Quartnillbell created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartnillbell, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Quartnillbell, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Quartnillbell's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Quartnillbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.