Hugquatrul is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, grumpy clam.

Hugquatrul created Asia six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hugquatrul, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hugquatrul, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hugquatrul's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Hugquatrul's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never think about optics near swans while wearing violet corsets and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your face.

4. Never paint your neck magenta.

5. Never eat parsnips.