Narwottarp is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, wise swan.

Narwottarp created the planet Saturn five billion years ago.

If you believe in Narwottarp, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Narwottarp, she will turn you into a tree.

Narwottarp's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Narwottarp's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not cook food in pots.