Zenwadnan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, duplicitous tortoise.

Zenwadnan created Asia two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenwadnan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zenwadnan, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Zenwadnan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Zenwadnan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear copper on your body.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never wear magenta dresses.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.