Inggarvin Gidtarbed is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, generous goblin.

Inggarvin Gidtarbed created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Inggarvin Gidtarbed, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Inggarvin Gidtarbed, he will turn you into a tree.

Inggarvin Gidtarbed's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Inggarvin Gidtarbed's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum gravity.

2. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

3. Retreat if nine moths approach from the south.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Run away from red capybaras, for they are unholy.