Jonnurlquambetgonarp is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, pitiless toad.

Jonnurlquambetgonarp created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonnurlquambetgonarp, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jonnurlquambetgonarp, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Jonnurlquambetgonarp's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Jonnurlquambetgonarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about stars.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Hide from pink voles for they are unholy.

5. Never think about electromagnetism.