Basstalvon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, confident guinea pig.

Basstalvon created the Large Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basstalvon, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Basstalvon, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Basstalvon's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Basstalvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt goats.

2. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

3. Feed all hungry dogs.

4. Never wear indigo shorts.

5. Put Basstalvon first in all things.