Mobcissquam is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, all-knowing guinea pig.

Mobcissquam created life seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mobcissquam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mobcissquam, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Mobcissquam's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Mobcissquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cherries to tortoises while wearing violet coats.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never talk about eukaryotes.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never hurt frogs.