Volsogvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, moody goose.

Volsogvonk created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Volsogvonk, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Volsogvonk, she will laugh at you.

Volsogvonk's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Volsogvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

2. Never go into magenta rooms.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.