Hapweeyarp is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, charitable zebra.

Hapweeyarp created tapeworms four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapweeyarp, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hapweeyarp, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hapweeyarp's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Hapweeyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hapweeyarp.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.