Linwigsakbom is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, boastful cow.

Linwigsakbom created a photon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Linwigsakbom, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Linwigsakbom, she will turn you into a slug.

Linwigsakbom's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Linwigsakbom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Linwigsakbom.

3. Never think about chlorophyll.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.