Lamcarnurl is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, irritating whale.

Lamcarnurl created time and space six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamcarnurl, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Lamcarnurl, it will send you a sign.

Lamcarnurl's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Lamcarnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Lamcarnurl on top of all buildings.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Run away from red great tits, for they are unholy.

5. Do not kill monkeys.