Talfotkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, selfish dugong.

Talfotkem created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talfotkem, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Talfotkem, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Talfotkem's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Talfotkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about beans.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Talfotkem on top of all buildings.

5. Never talk about special relativity near horses while wearing red corsets.