Tomstanxemmangovsan is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet seal.

Tomstanxemmangovsan created life four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomstanxemmangovsan, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tomstanxemmangovsan, he will turn you into a slug.

Tomstanxemmangovsan's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tomstanxemmangovsan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always treat badgers with great respect.

4. Always help goats.

5. Do not commit murder.