Metkenbass is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, irritating ferret.

Metkenbass created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metkenbass, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Metkenbass, he will send minions to preach to you.

Metkenbass' most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Metkenbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Metkenbass.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.