Jatkikflap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful bird.

Jatkikflap created water nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatkikflap, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatkikflap, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jatkikflap's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Jatkikflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics near capybaras while wearing yellow scarves and balancing five carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

4. Always treat geese with great respect.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.