Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic butterfly.

Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Gesswapsassaw Stragfatmat loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about optics near ducks while wearing indigo shorts and balancing four tin spheres on your arms.