Lankipaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, slow swan.

Lankipaf created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lankipaf, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Lankipaf, he will turn you into a hamster.

Lankipaf's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Lankipaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not dye your hair yellow.

3. Erect eight zinc sculptures of Lankipaf on top of important buildings.

4. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.