Fig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, competent bird.

Fig created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fig, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fig's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Fig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear yellow clothing.

2. Always obey Fig's priests.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Fig must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never feed melons to otters while wearing cyan corsets.