Jonlanneg is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, ruthless penguin.

Jonlanneg created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonlanneg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jonlanneg, she will turn you into a mouse.

Jonlanneg's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Jonlanneg's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear jumpers.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never go into white rooms.