Sitflantetti is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, amazing monkey.

Sitflantetti created the Sombrero Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sitflantetti, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sitflantetti, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Sitflantetti's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Sitflantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.