Fotzigvan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, egotistical whale.

Fotzigvan created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotzigvan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fotzigvan, she will destroy your home planet.

Fotzigvan's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Fotzigvan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about gulls.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fotzigvan.

4. Do not shave your head.

5. Never look at stars.