Tigbifbam is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, annoying giraffe.

Tigbifbam created an up quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigbifbam, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tigbifbam, it will turn you into a snail.

Tigbifbam's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tigbifbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of bats.

2. Put Tigbifbam first in all things.

3. Always help snails.

4. Do not keep three tortoises in a large pit.

5. You must pray to Tigbifbam four times a day.