Zogtaltin is a god.

He takes the form of a large, conceited monkey.

Zogtaltin created water nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zogtaltin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zogtaltin, he will turn you into a sheep.

Zogtaltin's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Zogtaltin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Feed all hungry rats.