Vansisfet is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witless turtle.

Vansisfet created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Vansisfet, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vansisfet, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Vansisfet's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Vansisfet's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Always treat hamsters with great respect.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Vansisfet.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.