Funfembell is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, merciless hamster.

Funfembell created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Funfembell, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Funfembell, she will have a low opinion of you.

Funfembell's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Funfembell's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about solid mechanics.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never write about amino acids.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Funfembell loves goats, so they must be respected.