Fossomdub Vonstantik is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, idiotic badger.

Fossomdub Vonstantik created life two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fossomdub Vonstantik, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fossomdub Vonstantik, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fossomdub Vonstantik's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Fossomdub Vonstantik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about rice.

2. Never mention manatees.

3. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

4. Worship no other gods but Fossomdub Vonstantik.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fossomdub Vonstantik.