Bitshavcem is a god.

It takes the form of a small, omnipotent crocodile.

Bitshavcem created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitshavcem, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bitshavcem, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bitshavcem's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Bitshavcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill nematodes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.