Gartonkvog Basshotbop is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, impressive armadillo.

Gartonkvog Basshotbop created Africa eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gartonkvog Basshotbop, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gartonkvog Basshotbop, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Gartonkvog Basshotbop's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gartonkvog Basshotbop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never sprint near nematodes.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.