Bemfonjab is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, pitiless yak.

Bemfonjab created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemfonjab, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bemfonjab, it will remove you from existence.

Bemfonjab's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bemfonjab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Bemfonjab on top of all buildings.

2. Never talk about dwarf planets.

3. Never mention badgers.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bemfonjab.