Nurlzimrotkap is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, tranquil porpoise.

Nurlzimrotkap created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlzimrotkap, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurlzimrotkap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nurlzimrotkap's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Nurlzimrotkap's Holy Commandments

1. Put Nurlzimrotkap first in all things.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

3. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

4. Never think about photosynthesis.

5. Fast once a month.