Jipjenmad is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-powerful clam.

Jipjenmad created oxygen four years ago.

If you believe in Jipjenmad, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jipjenmad, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Jipjenmad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Jipjenmad's Holy Commandments

1. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Jipjenmad loves horses, so they must be honoured.

5. Never bounce near moths.