Bitjanfun is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, tiresome crocodile.

Bitjanfun created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitjanfun, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitjanfun, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bitjanfun's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bitjanfun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never think about nucleic acids.

4. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bitjanfun in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.