Ruldonwik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, selfish bird.

Ruldonwik created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruldonwik, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ruldonwik, he will throw large rocks at you.

Ruldonwik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Ruldonwik's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never paint your chest magenta.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not stand on grass.