Kaptalpid is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, smart ant.

Kaptalpid created time and space eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaptalpid, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kaptalpid, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kaptalpid's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Kaptalpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dogs.

2. Do not kill eagles.

3. Never feed figs to tapirs while wearing orange rings.

4. Never feed peas to foxes while wearing scarves.

5. Always help gulls.