Cumflancam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, weak spider.

Cumflancam created energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumflancam, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cumflancam, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Cumflancam's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Cumflancam's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt nematodes.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the west.

4. Hide if four ducks approach from the south.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.