Tifhenfagapp is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, selfish chinchilla.

Tifhenfagapp created Asia two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifhenfagapp, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tifhenfagapp, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tifhenfagapp's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tifhenfagapp's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Feed all hungry snakes.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Learn five new languages a year.