Jab is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, pitiless hamster.

Jab created the planet Mars five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jab, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jab, he will strike you with lightening.

Jab's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jab's name in vain.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never hop near pigs.

5. Worship no other gods but Jab.