Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, calm goose.

Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab created the Milkyway five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Hoggabbassquam Nilfutjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always help goats in need.