Ortvogtip is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, idiotic pig.

Ortvogtip created a strange quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Ortvogtip, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Ortvogtip, he will turn you into a sheep.

Ortvogtip's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ortvogtip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always obey Ortvogtip's priests.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Goats are unholy and should not be approached.