Loopvablop Yattbummin is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent human.

Loopvablop Yattbummin created a charm quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopvablop Yattbummin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Loopvablop Yattbummin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Loopvablop Yattbummin's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Loopvablop Yattbummin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed corn to mites while wearing fawn kilts.

3. Feed all hungry moths.

4. Never talk about dark matter.

5. Do not take Loopvablop Yattbummin's name in vain.