Dutgadwap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, emotional troll.

Dutgadwap created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Dutgadwap, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Dutgadwap, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Dutgadwap's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Dutgadwap's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away if seven gulls approach from the east.

3. Do not keep five doves in a large pit.

4. Always obey Dutgadwap's priests.

5. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.