Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, conceited troll.

Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Sigcintag Wodyikfunwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bread to monkeys while wearing purple tights.

2. Run away if four aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.