Bosshadcab Witcarlad is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate jaguar.

Bosshadcab Witcarlad created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bosshadcab Witcarlad, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bosshadcab Witcarlad, it will make you grow a tail.

Bosshadcab Witcarlad's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Bosshadcab Witcarlad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not take Bosshadcab Witcarlad's name in vain.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always wear black.