Tarpdutsit is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, passionate crocodile.

Tarpdutsit created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpdutsit, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tarpdutsit, he will turn you into a dog.

Tarpdutsit's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tarpdutsit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to porpoises while wearing orange shirts.

2. Put Tarpdutsit first in all things.

3. Never think about eukaryotes.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.